I just read a journal about how the front page of deviantart is all the same. I agree, and it's a good and a bad thing. Anime has clearly influenced a lot of people, myself included. That shows on the front page. As well as people trying to shame those with skinny or "normal" body types, furries and most of all, nude stuff. This gets me thinking about my generation.
I'm not sure if I'm a millennial, but it certainly is my generation and my culture. We are surely obsessed with sex. The younger generation is even worse, and it shows all over this website. But can I really say anything?
Previously, I never much cared for sex. It was a chore, a labor. And while I get what my s.o. J says about it being "a way to connect", it never felt that way to me, except on rare occasions. I grew up in a rural Christian household, so I'm sure there are hang-ups about sex from that as well. While I don't care about religion or God, or care if I even believe in it or not (it changes day to day, and that's fine), I still had this ingrained sense of shame about sex. It was dirty. Those noises I make, yeah, those are wrong. Giving head to J? Degrading. I didn't want it from him either.
But, I've known for awhile, and been suppressing, myself as a person. As I near 30 I find myself not how I expected to be. Still in retail. Still drifting, not able to put myself out there. I went through a period of trying to be "adult" and finally said fuck it. I find myself dressing and acting more and more like my goth teenager past these days. I remembered when I was five, younger even, that my imaginary friends always punished me in some way. I was always in the corner. I wanted to be scolded. In these past months I quit pushing these thoughts away and gave in. I told J these things, and he didn't run away. He participated in it.
Lately, sex is all I think about. Really, it was all I EVER thought about, even when I was suppressing it. Somehow, sex seems to be everything these days. I can't wait to see J after work, to do all the things I always wanted, to be manhandled, and to even give BJ's, every day. And I've never felt better about myself. Despite an uncertain future, living below poverty line in a dead end job with a college degree I can't use and no will to get teaching certification, despite dealing with deaths and the disease that J has that makes him feel useless and hurt, I have never been more in love or more happy with myself as a person.
And it comes across in my art too. I'm no different than those people on the front page: sex-obsessed millennials who, most likely, just want to drown out all the bad shit going down these days with the oldest of human entertainment. I can't say I blame them.